You’re right. I’ve been talking to myself only, and leaving the rest of the world out of it. Why? There are reasons. It’s both simple and complicated.
The truth is, I’ve been self-censoring. Unfortunately, that probably won’t stop any time soon. I feel that being quiet (even though it’s not easy for me) may be the best choice. This is because my point of view and deeply-held personal opinions regarding many world events and situations are “controversial” at best. And yet I am not interested in arguing or evangelizing. Maintaining my relationships is more important to me than diffusing my opinions. So here I am in the jungle quietly watching the circus that is the rest of the world. Lots of dancing elephants, tame tigers, and not-so-funny clowns from this perspective, let me tell you.
And then there are other things that I wish I could tell about or show pictures of, but I can’t. It isn’t time yet. Not that I’m keeping secrets–if you get off a bus in my town you’ll see for yourself–but new elements of my personal life have specifically requested to be absent from “social media” and such like. I think it’s safe to say, though, that there’s a lot more love and laughter in my days than there has been for many years. A lot more joy, a lot more work, a lot more disorder in the house. A lot more happiness. Attached to all of these good things are some painful processes–a thing none of us escapes in life–which deserve my respectful discretion. This, in actuality, translates into…silence. Pictures of food and cats.
The cup is full.
The hours are full.
There is a job to be held, and a new second job that involves cooking in the houses of people on vacation. It’s so much work and so much fun and my partner in the venture is my favorite person to be with. There is surfing and there are friends and there are short nights and long days and FINALLY there is a car! A truck, actually, so there are weekends or at least Sundays at beaches with surf boards and cold fizzy beverages and no phones.
I feel like a have an acute understanding of how delicate everything is:
Peace of mind
If you sat very still and a beautiful butterfly landed on your hand, what would you do? What would you say? If you’re smart, you would do absolutely nothing. You would say absolutely nothing. You would sit very still and be amazed by the beautiful butterfly on your hand.
That’s exactly what I’m doing at this time.