The last thing I knew, it was the middle of November and now suddenly it’s almost February. This busy season blindsided me. And it’s not over, I’m just lucky enough to have a little break. I’m pretty sure the angels arranged this to prevent me from losing my mind which is not entirely off the table and would be a real shame.

Eighteen years ago today on a very hot and windy afternoon in Tamarindo, I married Pio. And we lived mostly happily ever after until, in fact, death did us part. Many things did not go the way we imagined them that day, especially the fact that we only had 9 years. The great thing about learning from your experiences is that you can keep learning from them even after they are over, for as long as you remember them. In that way, we still have a very present relationship and I am still learning from him, being formed by the fact that he was present with me for a time.

Today I am sitting on a rocking chair on the front porch of a mountain cabin. My sister came to visit me at the most dreadfully busy time of year and by some miracle we had a few free days from the mad catering schedule. So she whisked me away to the mountains where I can read a little, write a little, sleep, breathe, sit and stare at the sky. That sitting and staring at the sky part is so good for me.

Blessed are those who live in places or have jobs that provide a steady stream of income all year long. For they can choose to have reasonable schedules if that is important to them, and lives that retain some kind of balance. A little bit less blessed are those who depend on seasonal tourism and know what balance is when they see it but don’t get to experience it personally. If I had a nickel for every time I say to myself, “Suck it up. It’s high season,” I would probably save enough to make it through the low season. No mercy.

And there’s the house. How do you like that? I can now call it “the house” and not just “the lot.” Because there is a “house” on it–the beginnings of one. You can hire builders who will charge you a fee and present you with your house, or you can do what I did: hire a builder for a smaller fee and source all the materials yourself. Advantage: you choose everything down to the last nail. Disadvantage: you have another job. One that is extremely important no matter how much time you do not have for it.

It’s all good. So very very very many blessings all at once. So many things to remember. So many things to coordinate, and only one car. Only two hands and one mind to do all of this with. Only 24 hours in each day and some of them have to be spent sleeping. So many reasons to feel happy and lucky. In between the absolute exhaustion and constant bass note of the terror of having forgotten something extremely important and probably obvious. All the blessings. Simultaneously.

The biggest blessing right now is this pause. To step out of all of that (oh and I forgot to say it’s also so very very hot) and come up here to the cool mountain with the hot springs and rest for a moment. It’s the eye of the hurricane, but how lucky I am to have it pass directly over me.